There are two important lessons I learned the hard way these past 3 weeks at work.
1. I tried hard to be cautious and trusting at the same time — you cannot be both.
2. In connection with Lesson 1, I also learned that there are two types of people in this world.
One
There are people who, on the surface, would want to be your friend. They will look you in the eye, flash you a big & pretty smile, and well — for whatever reason(s), they will passionately and effortlessly lie to your face just to prove a worthless point. Want to know what makes it worse? They think it's cool and they effin' think they can get EASILY away with it.
Two
There are people who will tell you stuff that you don't like to hear. They're not afraid to tell you the real deal. It will probably not make you the happiest person, but one thing I learned as I get older is that the world is full of crap and I don't need any more BS.
I am peace-loving person, but two things that tick me off are People #1 and people who make a conscious choice to continue to be People #1 especially when they know that you've let your guard down. Talk about pathological and expert levels of deception. I try to stay away from People #1 because they suck the energy out of you. Unfortunately, I had to deal with one this week. There was a person who forced her way to talk to me alone on a day that I purposely did not want to talk to her. I learned about how this person twisted facts about something that concerned my team & I.
There were issues, which I knew, will have to be sorted out eventually so I wanted to cool down first because I didn't want to get into an argument with anyone. I know how I'd feel and I know how it takes forever for this 'angry' feeling to go away so there was a conscious choice to stay away from this particular person. It is good that I've mellowed down and I find it easier to forgive, but I take forever to forget. Sadly, this person annoyingly forced her way to talk to me despite me expressing how I didn't want to talk yet and that if we were to talk at that moment, I didn't want us to be alone. I've been burned by this person several times and have caught her repeatedly lying to my face. I knew that this time around, I'd have to call her on this after I've cooled down, but she was soooo irritatingly persistent & just wouldn't give that time I needed to cool down.
Things got ugly.
If you think about it, knowing the truth is not as painful compared to knowing that you've been lied to. It pisses me off when people act cocky and mighty thinking they can easily charm their way out of a mess they made. That is just so screwed. You know what most people say — sh*t happens and all the crap just piles up so you have to be wary of People #1. They're not just pathological liars, but they will also climb their way up without giving a sh*t with how they treat others. Reckless ambition can be a dangerous thing.
.
1. I tried hard to be cautious and trusting at the same time — you cannot be both.
2. In connection with Lesson 1, I also learned that there are two types of people in this world.
One
There are people who, on the surface, would want to be your friend. They will look you in the eye, flash you a big & pretty smile, and well — for whatever reason(s), they will passionately and effortlessly lie to your face just to prove a worthless point. Want to know what makes it worse? They think it's cool and they effin' think they can get EASILY away with it.
Two
There are people who will tell you stuff that you don't like to hear. They're not afraid to tell you the real deal. It will probably not make you the happiest person, but one thing I learned as I get older is that the world is full of crap and I don't need any more BS.
I am peace-loving person, but two things that tick me off are People #1 and people who make a conscious choice to continue to be People #1 especially when they know that you've let your guard down. Talk about pathological and expert levels of deception. I try to stay away from People #1 because they suck the energy out of you. Unfortunately, I had to deal with one this week. There was a person who forced her way to talk to me alone on a day that I purposely did not want to talk to her. I learned about how this person twisted facts about something that concerned my team & I.
There were issues, which I knew, will have to be sorted out eventually so I wanted to cool down first because I didn't want to get into an argument with anyone. I know how I'd feel and I know how it takes forever for this 'angry' feeling to go away so there was a conscious choice to stay away from this particular person. It is good that I've mellowed down and I find it easier to forgive, but I take forever to forget. Sadly, this person annoyingly forced her way to talk to me despite me expressing how I didn't want to talk yet and that if we were to talk at that moment, I didn't want us to be alone. I've been burned by this person several times and have caught her repeatedly lying to my face. I knew that this time around, I'd have to call her on this after I've cooled down, but she was soooo irritatingly persistent & just wouldn't give that time I needed to cool down.
Things got ugly.
If you think about it, knowing the truth is not as painful compared to knowing that you've been lied to. It pisses me off when people act cocky and mighty thinking they can easily charm their way out of a mess they made. That is just so screwed. You know what most people say — sh*t happens and all the crap just piles up so you have to be wary of People #1. They're not just pathological liars, but they will also climb their way up without giving a sh*t with how they treat others. Reckless ambition can be a dangerous thing.
I feel a little better.
Thank you for hearing me out. ☮..Peace + ❥_Love + Good Vibes. RUSS.
—
Portrait: @JefferyHaugen
Thank you for hearing me out. ☮..Peace + ❥_Love + Good Vibes. RUSS.
—
Portrait: @JefferyHaugen
60 comments:
That's the thing with people. It is human nature to be self serving, but there are moral and ethical lines that must not be crossed. Once crossed, these people lose their credibility. As much as you want to avoid toxic people, sometimes it is not easy, it could be family or in your case, perhaps someone who works with you? No matter how difficult it is, consider it a blessing because you are being tested and you will come out with new ways to deal with this person. You are learning more and more each day and it will serve you well in the future because once this person is done, there will be others along the way.
http://www.amazinglifedaily.com #AmazingLifeDaily
Oh well , yeah supergirls and the daily BS life provides. I like how you started , about people sugar coating lies and then you talk about the "rough tough telling the truth no matter what kind of people " , which I a million times prefer! The older we get , the more we will have to deal with fake people trying to bring you down. I think , your attitude is spot on that issue! Enjoyed reading !!!
Hey. Don't fret about it. I'm sure these people are just insensitive and insecure. Just continue to be awesome. :) And yes, shit happens but life goes on.
I hear ya! I'm on the on-your-face group of people and respect anyone else who is... the people in your #1 type are the hypocrites you can deal with, if you're smart enough to judge them. It comes with experience of getting chafed multiple times though... sigh!
It does for me also i prefer straight forward people rather than the sweet people and ended up talk about us in our back ,sometimes it can be really frustrating
This is happen to me many times especially at work and trying to make new friends. Some people just act like psychos and also get involve in work politics against me even if you haven't done anything to them.
I do think that those who are straightforward in their thoughts and actions are not nearly as scary as those who have it all concealed. I do hope everything works out well for you and I hope that that person that you're staying away from won't bother you anymore. Hugs!
It's just a pity some people aren't straight forward enough, it can be so disheartening when people are not.
I know exactly what you mean about the first type of person. I used to work with someone who was obsessed with proving that she was the best in our office. She would be nice to people to their face and then behind their backs try to prove that they were not good at their job. It made me mad until I realized that she must be a very insecure person to behave that way. In my experience, people like that always are. Hope that helps!
yeah, you can't be both cautious and trusting at the same time so you gotta know where to draw the line and keep it balanced? and i can't imagine anybody forcing their way to talk to someone who obviously doesn't want to. it's so rude! i'm sorry you have to put up with such a person and hopefully things will get better for you.
I've known some people who tries to take advantage of you and steal your energy. Of course you can't trust completely and stay cautious. But you need to find a right balance. First you need to take time before according some trust, even when you do so, there should be some control in the trust you give and to always keep in mind that this person can maybe betray you after some time and that you know already the part of trust you gave will be broken. But you will be fine with that part of trust broken because you were already ready for it. Result is that you will suffer less and move away quickly.
You can't always be a super girl however. And yes even the girls that assume they are, get upset. Humans are humans. Feelings and emotions is what makes us real.
I actually find it hard to trust someone because I am also afraid to encounter such people who will just end up messing my life.. personally despite of being a very emotional guy haha I do prefer people who are frank and straight to the point when they talk.. at least you know that they are real and will not fail you along the way!
Ugh, some people really. It's hard to be around people who've constantly lied to you, especially those who think it's not a big deal. I hope whatever conflict it is you had with that person gets resolved and I do pray that person learns his lesson soon. Hey, don't forget to have a good day!
The Person #2 reminds me of Trump and Détente. =) It takes a courageous heart to forgive and I'm happy for you that you've made that decision. You know, recently I've encountered a lot of trials with other people, too. These people have brought me pain, shame and have threatened my livelihood. What I've seen is when I don't hold grudges, somehow, these people end up having something bad happen to them. I don't wish them ill but I happen to get the chance to see it unfold before me. Mostly because of their bad decisions.
I tend to be both trusting and cautious combined when I deal with people other than my family. It is hard to be totally trusting if you have limited dealing with people. I think you can combine both, not exclusively.
There's actually more than two types of people. There's so many people around and some of these people will disappoint you, some will let you down... we have to learn when to let them go, and when to move on...
I certainly agree with this Francis guy. It may not be easy to hear out facts but it's what makes us who we are. And that, we should be thankful of those people who are tactless but real.
It`s so sad you have to be around people like that. It difficult to trust anyone until we`ve truly known what they are like. I agree with Francis Kong said. It`s better to be with people who tell you the truth regardless of how much the truth hurts than to be with people who are only saying good things in front.
There are just people that you'd love to hate especially with their attitude. The best solution is just ignore them and focus on what is good.
There will always be people like this at work and everywhere else. I'm sorry you had to experience this, it is never worth anyone's time and effort. I'm glad it's all over now.
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This really sounds demoralizing to the soul. However, just try to be strong, I feel we really cannot completely rule such actions or behaviours in our world. Learning to manage and deal with it decisively is key.
Take care Russ... I agree with Fred. Yes, you can be both. In certain things I trust people but when it comes to my personal safety, I'm cautious!
I learned the hard way when it comes to people. I have been burned way too many times. Sometimes you have no choice but to be cautious and always guard your grounds.
Life is always the pointer that really drives our motivation to react in which, honesty's the best policy. We all have our own loads to carry in the future.
I don't like to be lied to. I'd rather know the truth no matter how painful it might be than to be lied to.
I always hope karma comes around and deals with those nasty people on the other side. They can't possibly get away with being horrible forever.
Thank you for this post! The last one reminds me of someone who wants to be president...
I've found this kind of people many times. I just can't stand the liars, once I found they lied I just don't bother anymore
This is why I take the time to make friends and only deal with real people. I don't have time for all the mess. I'm a good person and keep the mess away.
I know where you are coming from. I am one of those who don't like the games, if it needs to be said I will say it!
We all have bad days and we all struggle. We wouldn't be human if we didn't.
Well said, sometimes people can't be honest though and there is always a reason why. That being said if she keeps 'burning you' then that is definitely not ok.
Brilliant and amazing insight share here. thanks for including your wisdom on the subject.
Reminds me of the people i've met at work, i will probably be mentally putting them into your categories now lol.
From those choices, yes i would be partial to People #2 as well.
It is always good to get things off of your chest. People often have ulterior motives and it is up to us to see through them.
I am saddened that you had to deal with someone so nasty. It is difficult to avoid these types of people. I try so hard to be fair and I would be quite upset if someone didn't respect me. She should have respected your request to not talk as you were not ready
I really don't like making friends at work especially since you never really know what people's intentions are with the competition and all that. I think it's best to stay away from the people that you described as well. Sorry about what you had to go through though.
I love people who are honest, it's not always easy to take at first but I also hate the bs.
I tend to only find friends that are only nice to my face.
It is hard for me to trust someone one's my trust is broken, Good thing you have learned your lessons and move forward. Life is too short and enjoy with positive ways.
Unfortunately they have a lot of sneaking people at work that are miserable with their lives and enjoy hurting others. They always seem to be there at every job I had over the years. As I got older and wiser I learn not to trust anyone at work even if they seem trustworthy.
The world is full of selfish people who disguise themselves in sheep's clothing! But I'm not sure that everyone is open to hearing the honest truth either!
It is too bad that people can't be honest with each other. I hate people who lie to you just to make themselves look better.
I guess I'm different because I am honest. And I've been told that I am respected for not Sugar Coating any thing. Guess it could be that of being in my 50's and I frankly don't worry about what others think.
I simply decided there are two kinds of people either ones that will be friends or ones that won't. I don't waste my time and effort anymore and I seem to take the highroad more often than not. I agree with everything you've been saying.
I hate to discover that people I trust and let down my guard down turn out to be People #1. I don't open myself up to a lot of people and when that happens it makes me want to never open up again.
I believe in the saying that you cannot please everybody and that is fine with me. As long as I don't hurt others thru my words and actions, that is totally fine. The sad part is, there are people who aren't nice to you and it is really annoying.
Mhaan | www.mommyrockininstyle.com
I bet the people at work already know that about her. So they know it's not you! Keep your head up and keep keeping on!
I think some humans are more selfish than others. There must be a balance between selfish and selfless and I think those who are often times brutally honest have found that balance. By not being honest at times when we should, we are being selfish in a way.
I'm sorry to hear that your having a tough time. I don't like cocky people either.
I don't mind people being frank with me, but what I can not stand is when people say things with snide or bitterness or like they are a step better than anyone else they are referring to. I know a few people who seem fun and honest at first but they turn out to be rude and grinding on the nerves. You definitely never really know anyone 100% though, so we all just need to be careful how we say things to one another.
I feel like I am #2... I don't sugar coat anything anymore for the sake of hurt feelings. I tell you how I feel, take it or leave it. No b.s. :)
Hope things work out with you and this annoying person. If not, there's always karma for evil people.
I think I can be both.... I want to trust people ( i think it's very important) and be cautious at the same time
Yeah! You're not always be a super girl, you can also feel upset we are not perfect, but all we can do is be careful and we should have few friends in our circle.
The workplace can be viscous. Not all of us are live and let live kind of people. Unfortunately you have to learn to coexist with #1 type people.
It is amazing the pressure that is on girls these days to be a super girl! I know I personally find it to be hard to trust people sometimes.
I have a ton of friends, but I can say that there is only one in particular who would tell me the truth-no matter what! We are soul mates ;-)
Ahhhh yes!!!!!! I think people forgets that even the girl who look like she can handle anything are still human! I had to deal with some not so pleasant things last week due to some comments on a photo of my daughter...
Hmm, this is why I try to make sure I keep small circles at work. Though I haven't really lost all my trust in people, often times the ones walking towards me are good people and I do have that gut thing that tells me when not to look at a certain person. That impression lasts.
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